Thor Ragnarok jokes

Thor: If you knew where he was, why didn't you call me?

Dr. Stephen Strange: I had to tell you. He did not want to be disturbed. Your father. He had chosen to remain in exile. And you don't have a phone.

Thor: No, I don't have a phone but you could have sent me an electronic letter. It's called an email.

Dr. Stephen Strange: Yeah. Do you have a computer?

Thor: No. What for?

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[Thor turns on the Quinjet's computer and places his hand on the handprint scanner]

Quinjet Computer: Welcome. Voice activation required.

Thor: Thor.

Quinjet Computer: Access denied.

Thor: Thor, God of Thunder.

Quinjet Computer: Access denied.

Thor: Son of Odin.

Quinjet Computer: Access denied.

Thor: Strongest Avenger.

Quinjet Computer: Access denied.

Thor: Strongest Avenger!

Quinjet Computer: Access denied.

Thor: Damn you, Stark. Point Break.

Quinjet Computer: Welcome, Point Break.

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[Banner places his hand on the Quinjet's handprint scanner]

Quinjet Computer: Voice activation required.

Bruce Banner: Banner.

Quinjet Computer: Welcome, Strongest Avenger.

Tags: Thor Ragnarok, hulk
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Thor: How did you end up here?

Korg: Well, I tried to start a revolution, but didn't print enough pamphlets so hardly anyone turned up. Except for my mum and her boyfriend, who I hate. As punishment, I was forced to be in here and become a gladiator. Bit of a promotional disaster that one, but I' m actually organizing another revolution. I don't know if you'd be interested in something like that? Do you reckon you'd be interested?

Tags: thor, Thor Ragnarok
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[a barber approaches Thor with blades]

Barber: Now don't you move. My hands ain't as steady as they used to be!

Thor: [tough] By Odin's beard, you shall not cut my hair, lest you feel the wrath of the mighty Thor!

Thor: [terrified] Please, kind sir, do not cut my hair. NO! NOOO!

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Thor: Has anyone here fought the Grandmaster's champion?

Korg: Yeah. Doug has. Hey, Doug. Could you come over here? Oh, yeah, I forgot, Doug's dead. Anyone who fights the Grandmaster's champion perished. You're not actually thinking about fighting him, are you?

Thor: Yes, I am. I'm gonna fight him, win, and get the hell off this planet!

Korg: That's exactly what Doug used to say! See you later, New Doug!

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Surtur: Thor, son of Odin.

Thor: Surtur! Son of... a bitch! You're still alive! I thought my father killed you like, half a million years ago.

Tags: thor, Thor Ragnarok
27

Valkyrie: This team of yours, it got a name?

Thor: Yeah, it's called the... uh... Revengers!

50

Thor: She's too powerful, I have no hammer.

Odin: What are you, Thor, god of hammers?

Tags: Thor Ragnarok, hammer
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Korg: Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Korg. I'm kind of like the leader in here. I'm made of rocks, as you can see, but don't let that intimidate you. You don't need to be afraid, unless you're made of scissors! Just a little Rock, Paper, Scissors joke for you."

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