Infinity war jokes

Tony Stark: What is your job, exactly? Besides making balloon animals?

Dr. Stephen Strange: Protecting your reality, douchebag.

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Peter Quill: I'm not from Earth, I'm from Missouri!

Tony Stark: Yeah! That's on Earth, dipshit!

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Ebony Maw: Stonekeeper, does this chattering animal speak for you?

Dr. Stephen Strange: Certainly not, I speak for myself. And you're trespassing in this city and on this planet.

Tony Stark: That means get lost, Squidward!

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Rocket Raccoon: This is Thanos we're talking about. He's the toughest there is

Thor: Well, he's never fought me.

Rocket Raccoon: Yeah, he has.

Thor: He's never fought me twice.

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Steve Rogers: New haircut?

Thor: Noticed you've copied my beard.

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Ebony Maw: Your powers are inconsequential compared to mine.

Tony Stark: Yeah, but the kid's seen more movies.

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Thor: There are six stones out there. Thanos already has the Power Stone because he stole it last week when he decimated Xandar. He stole the Space Stone from me when he destroyed my ship and slaughtered half my people. The Time and Mind Stones are safe on Earth, they're with the Avengers.

Peter Quill: The Avengers?

Thor: The Earth's mightiest heroes.

Mantis: Like Kevin Bacon?

Thor: He may be on the team. I don't know, I haven't been there in a while.

 

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Peter Quill: I'm gonna ask you this one time: Where is Gamora?

Tony Stark: Yeah, I'll do you one better. *Who* is Gamora?

Drax: I'll do *you* one better. *Why* is Gamora?

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Okoye: When you said you were going to open Wakanda to the rest of the world, this is not what I imagined.

T'Challa: What did you imagine?

Okoye: The Olympics, maybe even a Starbucks.

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Drax: [talk about Thor]

It's like a pirate had a baby with an angel.

 

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