Doctor jokes

Patient asks his doctor: “Can I take a bath with diarrhea?”
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Doctor: “Yes, if you are able to fill it up.

Secretary: “Doctor the invisible man has come. He says he has an appointment.”

Doctor: “Tell him I can"t see him.”

Doctor says to his patient: "You have cancer and Alzheimer."
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Patient: "At least I don't have cancer."

Doctor: Your test results are showing you'll easily live to be 80.

Patient: But, wait, I am 80 just now.

Doctor: See, I told you to live healthier!

I heard a report about a bad outbreak of the tummy bug, apparently 9 out of 10 people there suffered from diarrhea. I can’t stop thinking about that tenth person who apparently enjoyed it.

Patient: Doctor help me please, every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this intense stinging in my eye.

Doctor: I suggest you remove the spoon before drinking.

Doctor: Hello, did you come to see me with an eye problem?

Patient: Wow, yes, how can you tell?

Doctor: Because you came in through the window instead of the door.

Mr. Smith: “Doctor, you remember this strengthening solution you prescribed me yesterday?”

Doctor: “Yes, what’s the matter?”

Mr. Smith: “I would like to use it but I can’t open the bottle!”

Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.

Doctor: Don't worry. Mine too.

Doctor: “Do you do sports?”

Patient: “Does sex count?”

Doctor: “Yes.”

Patient: “Then no.”