Patient asks his doctor: “Can I take a bath with diarrhea?”
Doctor: “Yes, if you are able to fill it up.
Secretary: “Doctor the invisible man has come. He says he has an appointment.”
Doctor: “Tell him I can"t see him.”
Doctor says to his patient: "You have cancer and Alzheimer."
Patient: "At least I don't have cancer."
Doctor: Your test results are showing you'll easily live to be 80.
Patient: But, wait, I am 80 just now.
Doctor: See, I told you to live healthier!
I heard a report about a bad outbreak of the tummy bug, apparently 9 out of 10 people there suffered from diarrhea. I can’t stop thinking about that tenth person who apparently enjoyed it.
Patient: Doctor help me please, every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this intense stinging in my eye.
Doctor: I suggest you remove the spoon before drinking.
Doctor: Hello, did you come to see me with an eye problem?
Patient: Wow, yes, how can you tell?
Doctor: Because you came in through the window instead of the door.
Mr. Smith: “Doctor, you remember this strengthening solution you prescribed me yesterday?”
Doctor: “Yes, what’s the matter?”
Mr. Smith: “I would like to use it but I can’t open the bottle!”
Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.
Doctor: Don't worry. Mine too.
Doctor: “Do you do sports?”
Patient: “Does sex count?”
Patient: “Then no.”