Weasel: Last but not least..
Deadpool: Any power you wanna tell us about?
Peter: I don't .. I don't have one, um I just saw the ad
Deadpool: You're in
Deadpool: Your bullets, they are really fast
Calbel: You're no fucking here, you are just a clown, dressup as a sextoy
Deadpool: So dark, you sure you are not from the DC Universe
Deadpool: And that's why "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" is pure pornography.
Domino: I really should have stayed in college...
Cable: Time's up, you dumb fuck.
Deadpool: Well, that's just lazy writing.
So, from our family to yours, keep your pants dry, your dreams wet, and remember, hugs not drugs.
Recruiter: Mr. Wilson. Nothing warms my heart more than a change of someone else's. You finally hit "fuck it."
Wade Wilson: Just promise you'll do right by me. So I can do right by someone else.
Recruiter: Of course.
Wade Wilson: And please don't make the super-suit green. Or animated.
Vanessa Carlysle: Hey, hands off the merchandise.
Wade Wilson: Merchandise? Huh... so you uh, bump fuzzies for money?
Vanessa Carlysle: Yep.
Wade Wilson: Rough childhood?
Vanessa Carlysle: Rougher than yours. Daddy left before I was born.
Wade Wilson: Daddy left before I was conceived.
Vanessa Carlysle: Ever had a cigarette put out on your skin?
Wade Wilson: Where else do you put one out?
Vanessa Carlysle: I was molested!
Wade Wilson: Me too. Uncle.
Vanessa Carlysle: Uncles. They took turns.
Wade Wilson: I watched my own birthday party through the keyhole of a locked closet, which also happened to be my...
Vanessa Carlysle: Your bedroom. Lucky. I slept in a dishwasher box.
Wade Wilson: [Gasps] You had a dishwasher. I didn't even known sleep. It was pretty much 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn.
Vanessa Carlysle: [laughs] Who would do such a thing?
Wade Wilson: Hopefully you. Later tonight? Hey, what can I get for $275 and uh... a Yogurtlands reward card?
Vanessa Carlysle: Baby, about 48 minutes of whatever the fuck you want. And a low-fat dessert.
[Puts card in his mouth]
Weasel: Wade Wilson, patron saint of the pitiful. What can I do for you?
Deadpool: I'd love to get a Blow Job.
Weasel: Oh, God, me too.
Deadpool: The drink, moose knuckle, But first...
Weasel: All right, Kahlua, Bailey's and whipped cream. I give you a Blow Job. Why do you make me make that?
Wade Wilson: [to Vanessa] Your right leg is Thanksgiving and your left leg is Christmas. Can I come and visit you between the holidays?